Why Change Sticks Better With Other People

There's a quiet myth underneath a lot of self-improvement culture: if you were truly serious about changing a habit, you'd do it alone.

No accountability partners. No buddy systems. Just raw discipline.

It sounds admirable. It also doesn't match how humans actually work.

We're social by design. Almost everything meaningful we do-work, parenting, partnership, creativity-is shaped by the people around us. Habits are no different.

Think about the last time you genuinely changed a pattern in your life: exercise, food, sleep, work. Chances are, someone else was involved. A friend. A group. A colleague. A partner who gently held you to what you said you wanted.

The same applies to digital habits.

Trying to change your phone use in complete isolation is a little like trying to improve your fitness in a world where every street is a moving walkway carrying you in the opposite direction. You can walk the other way, technically. But it's a lot easier if someone's walking beside you.

Accountability doesn't have to be dramatic or formal. Often, it's as simple as:

• Telling someone, "I'm experimenting with no phones after 9pm this week."
• Agreeing with a friend to have one phone-free coffee together.
• Sharing screen-time numbers with someone you trust, without judgement.

The point isn't surveillance. It's connection. When someone else knows what you're trying to do, you're not just disappointing yourself if you slip. You're also missing an opportunity to show up honestly in a relationship that matters to you.

And when you check in with each other, the conversation becomes less about "Did you fail?" and more about "What got in the way?" and "What might help next time?"